Pondering in the Off-Week

Everyday, my job is to inspire a hundred children to pursue their wildest dreams.  For the most part, I’d say I do a pretty good job of advocating the adage, “With hard work and effort, you can  really do anything you want to do.”  These kids are so bright and creative they will do what they really want to do in life if I do my job right and afford them the opportunities they deserve.  I’ve even inspired some to think outside the box of pro athletes, lawyers and rappers to think about becoming writers, artists or even fashion designers.  But, here I am their leader into the depths of creativity and success in life with no faith whatsoever that I could do the same.  I rationalize to myself all the time-“Well if HE or SHE could do it, so can I,” or, “If this lousy book could make it, then maybe my lousy book could make it too.”  I don’t believe it though.

I just sat in Borders for thirty minutes debating whether it was even worth it to buy this $4.99 black, faceless journal.  I know I’m only starting it because I’m early to my hair appointment and have nothing else I could be doing.  The only time I ever write anymore is when it’s completely impossible for me to do work.  In the past it would have been some silly dream that THIS would be the journal from which I would birth my first famous novel.  Now, I’d rather spend $20.00 on an art book for school instead of $4.99 for a priceless dream.  I’d rather spend every dime I earn on the hopes that one of my students will pursue their dreams in a way I haven’t done yet.  I suppose all hope is not yet lost;  I did buy the journal.

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